When we were young we were always sweet and kind to each other. At the young age of 4 I knew he was taking way to long to get down the stairs, I mean he was already 2 and really needed my help. I politely asked him to move with a small tap of my hand in a loving gesture of brotherly love. Once he stopped bouncing I realized that life wasn't going to be easy unless I knew how to make sure everyone saw things the way I did. It was a very simple solution.
There were some other "learning" methods I employed in my desire to help him out with life's challenges. OK so the BB gun method of training didn't quite work the way I thought it would. I am pretty sure that he way overstated the pain, but I do not now nor have I ever studied the fine art of acting. I am sure though that the salt water coating I treated the pellets with couldn't cause that much writhing. It was just a special way for me to remind him that he had failed in dodging me.
The time that I will remember the best was actually the time we both were in trouble. I was the ripe old age of 16 while he was the insignificant age of 14. While walking with my friend down the street, my wonderfully sweet brother decided to show us just how special we were with a single non-verbal exclamation. I of course had already planned the perfect course of action to meet his challenge and to attempt to make him pee his pants. After the rock soared passed where his head had been, and the deafening crash of the window.
We were both brought back to attention by the ill tempered home owner that we called Mom.
*note at this specific moment she was ill tempered, though as a father now I realize she was a saint and should be canonized immediately. Please call the pope and let him know!
This is my real explanation of the events to my mother as to whose fault the broken window was.
Mom:"Who threw the rock?"
Me:"It's Sean's fault!"
Mom:"Why is it Seans fault?"
Me:"He ducked"
Mom:"Excuse me?!?"
Me:"He asked for it, but then he ducked like a little girl, the window wouldn't have broken if he would have stood there and taken it like a man!"
Notice point number one in this exchange, my brother didn't say much but I remember him turning very red obviously as a sign of agreement. Point number two, I have already given away the ending wherein we both were in trouble.
I am still unsure of what part of my flawless logic my mom didn't agree with because even now I am sure that this was the correct assertion of the situation and the assignment of fault.
I am now going to use this to warn all future babysitters, estranged relatives, and random passersby of the incredible logic they will be dealing with when asking my children to explain a situation to them. I really feel that they should be given rewards for such an amazing ability to logically ferret out the truth of a situation.
