Found my past

I found my past today, actually my wife found it for me. I once wrote poems to cope with things that I otherwise didn't have the ability or knowledge to deal with on a daily basis. These are 2 of my poems I like (i.e. don't want to throw into a fire to erase the emotions and the memories of)

Lone Wolf

I hear him howling in the night

and I see with my second sight

the images and the pain

never to feel his life again

He once was a pup so full of joy

and any old stick could be his toy

then one day his father left

he couldn't understand this thing called death

That night his mother she came

and she taught him the truth of his name

this was a talk between father and son

she had to tell him for father he had none

He wandered alone for days

as his mind was swimming in a haze

still confused he laid down to rest

with his heart still deep in his breast

Late that night he heard a sound

of his mother crying and evil abound

was it his mind that caused the fear

or was it really his mothers tear

He ran as fast as any wind

for his mothers life he had to defend

when he reached his home he knew

there was nothing left for him to do

That night he made a solemn vow

and it didn't matter when or how

one day he would catch that evil thing

and show him why the wolf is king

He tracked and tried for years alone

but to him the beast was never shown

then one day a family was his

so he quit and settled with the Ms.

Time passed quickly on by

till one night he heard his mates cry

he ran as fast as he possibly could

jumping and leaping over the rotting wood

He ran so fast with his body so lean

until he reached that horrible scene

with his heart pounding he saw a sight

three of his pups were dead this night

The with a growl he turned his head

but all he could see were his pups so dead

then the beast turned to kill again

but this time he would have to defend

he heard a shot, like thunder it hit

then he knocked the beast down to sit

he attacked the head and then the throat

until it's blood covered his coat

He checked his mate and remaining pup

and with a howl rears his head up

he guides his mate back to their home

then alone he goes to roam

As the blood of his kill mingles with his own

he remembers the deeds he has sown

and as he lays down to die

He fills the air with his mournful cry

written 08/15/1992

A Good Friend

With love in my eye's

I give you a vow

though I don't know

quite when or how

That if you ever need

to feel secure

no matter what pains

I must endure

If ever you feel

that your will is not there

I'll give you my strength

and show that I care

If you ever want

to feel my heart beat

just to prove

that we are concrete

If you ever wish

just for a friend

that is how we started

and for forever to end

If you ever look

for somewhere to cry

put your head to my chest

until your tears are dry

And if you desire

someone to love

that is the day

I'll thank heaven above.

written 11/19/1994

Ok I think that is enough putting myself out there now. I have never shared these except with close friends or family. So anyway there they are. Hope you like them, if not that is ok too.

I want to thank @churchpunkmom and @tastelikecrazy on twitter for inspiring me to publish these for the world by sharing their amazing writings with all of us.

A new year

So this is my first post of 2010 (and yes that is 20 - 10) and what could possibly make me take the time to put a halt to my busy life to blog? Bitching about how much time I don't have that is what. Many of you know that I have recently started back to college to get the degree I started on in another lifetime. I am nervous and excited still but leaning more towards the excited part. Being 20 years older than the other students is interesting. I am officially from another generation now, no longer just a "little" older than the rest of the students. Does it mean I am more disciplined? Maybe I am more mature and ready for the demands of school. I don't know yet, but here is what I do know.

I really need to find a better way of balancing school and home life. I have assignments due in my worst class, Spanish 1020, and yet I can't find the time to study. during the day when I am not in class, I spend the entire time chasing a very energetic 4 year old around the house. He is an amazingly smart child but also very ummmm, what's the word I am looking for here, ummmm, precocious. Yeah that is it, he is precocious. I am finding it hard to concentrate on how to conjugate comprar, when I am also having to yell things like "No do NOT put that screwdriver in the wall socket!"

Night time is equally bad. I love and adore my wife, she is and always will be my best friend as well as the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. when she gets off from work and the kids are finally in bed, it is us time. Time to talk about the day's events, to laugh about how silly our children are, to cry and go crazy about the bills we didn't make but have to pay, you get the idea. Then it is time for bed and I am just a little further behind than I was before.

I still fix peoples computers for them, this can take much of my time as well, but I really must do this to keep up with all of the newest spyware tricks and schemes. (my degree will just let me do it professionally again) Fixing computers can be very time consuming even when you know exactly what you are doing. There is still no super cloud with the processing power of the entire human collective so most problems take a while to "run" on the aging hardware people use.

I know I have to make sacrifices in order to get where I want to be. Trust me I have already made many. I don't however believe that one of those should be at the loss of my family. I am searching for a solution but daycare costs more than we make in a week, and my mom only has so much time in her day to help with childcare. She has been amazing with helping me with the monkey. I still don't seem to have the time to really study that I need.

I will get there, but for now I think I will drink another cup of coffee, oh and tell the monkey to stop putting his sisters toys in the food processor.

If you guys and girls have any time management ideas for the easily distracted knife juggler, feel free to leave it in a comment.